A Note on New Years (actually boring reflections and my attempt at self-help advice)
Sometimes, thoughts are just thoughts.
I actually had a fun New Years Eve, and the day before, and the day after.
I typically dread the idea of turning into a new year. Feeling that I never accomplishing enough, down, scared, out of control of what the future has to hold. These are the thoughts I typically have.
This New Years was different.
I let something go.
I don't know what. I wish I could share the secret sauce.
I don't know if it's the bits of self work I've been doing, the hope of new opportunities, the acceptance of who I am, I don't know. 
What's crazy is a week before I was desperate for help with my mind.
And the day before.
If you saw me, you'd think I was some unhinged monster that crawled out of an attic after 17 years that hadn't been touched by another human.
I was rough.
That's the thing about "mental health" no one seems to talk about. The messy, ugly, gritty, moments. The "I think I need to leave this room before I jump out this window" moments. The thoughts of separating yourself from the universe that birthed you at just the right moment in time to welcome you into this life and how much pressure that can be.
"I'm just too soft for it all."
Taylor Swift
I can not stress how helpful it is to allow yourself to be messy.
I can also not stress even more how important it is clean yourself up.
There are no steps I know to share, there are no secret weapons or books or podcast. All I know is that at some point I allowed myself to cry, vent, rage. Then I told myself it was time to calm down. I didn't set a time limit on any of these emotions, I just let it be. I said no to plans. I ate food I'd normally restrict. I ran?! I'm definitely unwell if I am running (turns out they are all correct and it helps).
The important thing is that you give yourself grace and that the people around you give you that grace.
The few people that have seen me at my darkest and lowest and still choose to meet me in the sun are the only reason I function some days. I hope you find your people. I hope you find someone that encourages you, holds you, consoles you, rages with you. I hope whatever it is your soul needs to feel peace, you find it.
So my New Years reflection on 2023 is this:
Some months will be easier than others. Just because you broke down one day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be amazing.
"Thoughts are just thoughts" as my kind therapist likes to say.
Having hope is not a death sentence to joy.
Give yourself grace and while you're at it, give others grace too.
Not everyone will get it.
Note regarding the above photo: I highly recommend a Bluetooth microphone. I don't know what came over me but I became a talk show host and had everyone sharing embarrassing stories. A blast. 10/10 recommend.
Thanks for reading.
-Liz-
P.S. Text 988 if you ever find yourself in a mental health crisis. You don't have to talk to anyone, it's just you and a kind soul they assign. There is no shame.