A Note on the Pressure of Time
I wish I could bottle up every accomplishment into a feeling I could spritz on like perfume when I feel low.
Ever since I could remember, I've felt time tick away.
The moment I was conscious was the moment I became too aware to function obliviously to the faults of my humanity. I visualize time in my mind like a calendar, and it's getting thinner and thinner. I peel away each month and wonder "did I live this month or did I just survive?" Life's obligations, careers, relationships, and the overall burden to be a productive human has gotten in the way of my timeline.
Unrealistic goals keep me rowing towards the edge of the waterfall that is sure to crash me into the next timeline where perhaps maybe, I don't feel so much.
They say when you die, all the best moments of your life flash before you as you leave this present world. I can't help but look forward to that moment on days when all that flashes across my mind is the space I took up being too depressed to enjoy the sunshine.
I wish I could bottle up every accomplishment into a feeling I could spritz on like perfume when I feel low.
Every time I feel low I think, it can't get lower than this, and perhaps it doesn't, and perhaps that is exactly why I keep going.
I'm not trying to top every low moment with a lower one, I'm determined to be a success story that is capable of freezing the time that ticks away in her minds so that living in the moment is something I can comprehend.
Overly aware of how privileged my problems can be; this perspective has yet to erase the imprint of the foot that continues to crush my brain.
The forensics of this imprint prove it was me all along.
Maybe, tomorrow, I'll peel away the calendar and no longer let it dictate me with it's threat of time.
-Liz