In Another Life

In another life I would be planning our first baby’s 3rd birthday.

I don’t allow myself down those thoughts for too long but sometimes, I’ll wonder.

Would they be into dinosaurs? Barbie?

Whatever. They’d have whatever they wanted.

I love a theme and I’d probably be getting told by Kyle I was doing too much.

This is what loss does to a lot of us. While a lot of women move on because they are fortunate to have babies, some are like me and are too scared to go through a loss for the millionth time.

Society doesn’t make space for us because our losses are invisible.

I have no evidence I was suppose to be a mother. Instead, I have dates on calendars that get erased. Gifts returned or donated. Scars only found inside my womb.

This isn’t a pity party, just something I wish more people gave a little care to if they know someone who was struggling. I’ve healed a lot and I can happily enjoy things now. But there was a period of time where I was shamed for skipping holidays and baby showers. Shamed for how I was grieving. I don’t want anyone else to feel that weight, ever.

So whether you’ve lost 1 or many, or you’ve had to accept the loss of the future you thought you had, just know there’s a lot of us right there with you.

Have a gentle Mother’s Day.