Monday Digest: 3 months into 30

A fun weekend, epiphanies, periods, and weird dreams.

Friday was insane for me. I worked from home but remained glued to an invisible clock; ticking away at deadlines on the calendar of the attorneys I work for.

Busting my ass to get done by 5 pm. Determined to be dressed, hair curled, makeup done, and out the door and into my friend’s SUV headed to a night of fun with our hubbies.

It’s 4:45 and I’m asked to proof and file something. Sure, no problem, easy-peasy.

My MacBook decides right then that it does not want to allow me the ability to convert my downloaded word document into a PDF. Seriously? We’ve been converting all day my dear computer, please cooperate, please?

A restart, a scream, and an aggressive slamming of my hands on my desk later and we got her filed at 5:01 PM.

I’m hustling. Hair curler on, teeth brushed. Makeup? Half done at lunch, finished by 5:20. I move into my wardrobe to put on the outfit I had been envisioning all day to wear and what do you know, it does not look the way I thought.

Why am I crying?

Ridiculous. I need to get dressed. I suddenly feel ugly and fat in everything I’m putting on.

Period started.

Oh, that explains it.

I don’t care. I’m wearing something cute but comfier because that’s the beauty in growing older. You know when to throw in the towel with yourself and move on. Those wedge sandals? Put ‘em back, flip flops it is.

It’s not that serious Liz, I say to myself, you aren’t trying to catch a mate at the bar and we will look great in hindsight, lets go.

See? Wisdom. 30 is already rockin.

It’s pride night in Pittsburgh. It’s also my friend’s birthday and he chose a night at the museum - how cute?! What I didn’t expect was the Drag Show. What took us so long to ever get to one?! I HAD A BLAST.

I’ve watched plenty of Ru-Paul but I had no idea how fun it could be in person. My husband instantly lit up, he was enthralled. The lights, the music, the comedy, the bodysuits.

Later we moved our party to a bar where the music and dancing continued. I don’t think I’ve ever danced with my husband at a bar before and I had no idea how much we needed it.

Rolling into our front steps at 1 am was something you could not get Kyle or I to do on a typical weekend night. He’s a homebody, I’m social but introverted, he prefers the company of friends around a board game.

“That was fun.” He said as we rolled into bed and fought for space between the dogs that were equally shocked their parents stayed out so late.

“You even made a friend!” I say to Kyle. He did, because men owning the same shirt is friend-worthy, how adorable. Turns out the guy was a comedian and has a show coming up. Looks like I know what we’re doing next weekend.

“Why don’t periods just happen for one day. Like, okay, glad things are working, next.”

I say to Kyle the following morning. He nods and says he agrees with this logic while he types away at his desk. Further proof he’s mastered the craft of humoring his wife before she’s had her coffee.

I have a polaroid in my pocket from the photobooth I dragged my sweet friend into while I was 3 cocktails deep. A keepsake of a fun night. I made friends with the bathroom attendant. I forgot her name already. She had red nails and a sweet demeanor.

Once again I’m proving to myself that I only ever remember how people made me feel. That’s all that should matter anyway, right?

Had a dream that night I fell 52 floors into a swimming pool. The swimming pool was a simulation and I was perfectly fine. I was holding my breath for nothing.

That’s the message perhaps. Why am I holding my breath so much? Just breath.

I did again. Held my breath while I typed and got lost in a random thought laced with worry. Breath.

So hey, cheers to friends who get us moving, new people that make us feel seen, and melting away into a night every once and a while.

Happy Monday - let’s do this again soon.